NYC recommendations for extremely specific situations

you don't think you need this until you do

As the title aptly describes, these are NYC recommendations for extremely — I mean extremely — specific situations. While you’re reading this, you may be thinking to yourself, “When will my mom be Korean?” or “What is butt club?”

Rest assured, your mom will at some point become Korean and you will learn what butt club (& butt patrol) is. So until that moment comes, hold on to this list. Digest it. Remember these situations. Because, not so humbly, I do think it’s a really good list.

Some caveats, it’s very Manhattan, specifically downtown focused. But I tried my best to diversify. Okay, caveats over.

Actually wait - one more, I really tried not to do the basic things. I’m not going to tell you to go to Lucali or 4 Charles. It’s more places that may be aren’t top of mind? I’m not sure - I’m not that unique so there’s no way this is that unique but after 10+ years of living in NYC I’ve acquired some good spots.

Here’s how it goes. We have it broken out by

1. things you consume (aka restaurants and bars)

2. things you purchase (aka stores)

3. miscellaneous (aka bathrooms, streets, parks

And with that - away we go !

1. FOOD & DRINKS

Make sure to insert either “best place to go when you want to go to a ________” or “best place to go when you want to ________”.

Sorry I could not make it consistent for you. I’m not a good enough writer :’(

AirMail has a courtyard in the back you can sit over coffee & pastries or wine & chips

• Wine bar that feels like your own personal West Village townhouse back yard : AirMail

• Restaurant with a big group of friends but don’t have a reservation 3-days before and you want to be sitting amongst neighborhood regulars that are 65+ : Gene’s Italian

• Drink a glass of wine next to a fireplace reading a book and really feel like you’re in your 30s : Chelsea Hotel (grab a glass of wine in the lobby bar then come back to sit by the fireplace)

• Have a glass of wine without a reservation at a mediocre spot in a good people watching area : Vin Sur Vingt (West Village)

my mom @ Rigor Hill eating their goat cheese sandwich

• Coffee shop bakery on the weekends when you wake up early and want to people watch everyone that’s living your dream and see really really hot moms : Rigor Hill Market (Tribeca) or Poppy’s (Cobble Hill)

• Have a diet coke while you’re wearing very dark sunglasses and judging everyone’s outfit as they walk by : Sant Ambroeus in Soho

• Grocery store to get food at when you’re hangry after being at the Met 30 minutes too long : Butterfield Market

• Cash only restaurant to go to when you visit your parents and they load you up (or you steal it) with an ungodly amount of cash : Bar Pitti

• Bakery to get a cake when you want to feel like a character from a Jane Austen novel : From Lucie

• Breakfast wrap or sandwich that’s slightly more elevated than your corner bodega and has the best iced coffee : Blackstone Coffee Roaster

• Korean food when you miss your mom’s cooking : Her Name is Han

• Amazing seasonal dinner in Brooklyn and finish it with a yellow cake with dark chocolate frosting and sea salt : Bar Bete

• When your girlfriends all have annoying made up dietary restrictions and you want to go get a boring, but still tasty, healthy lunch : Spring Aspen Cafe or Locanut

pretending to read The Secret History by Donna Tartt but secretly eyeing the rockstar baristas working at Oslo

• Coffee shop where you want to be served coffee by a guy who looks like he should be in an 80s rock band : Oslo Coffee

• Smoothie shop when you want to spend less than $15 a smoothie : Green Symphony or Hawa

• Smoothie shop when you want to spend more than $15 a smoothie and also get some cute Japanese bento box as a snack so you find yourself spending $40 on not a real meal : Nems Bistro in Williamsburg

• Get 8 lbs of pork butt delivered day of or a 5-bone Prime Rib : Paisanos (Brooklyn) or Hudson & Charles (West Village)

fun fact : mah ze dahr when they first opened had an unlimited gold token you could buy for something like $365 for free daily pastries for the year

• Eat a cinnamon roll only on the weekends (they don’t serve them on the weekdays) : Mah-Ze-Dahr

2. STORES & PLACES TO SPEND YOUR MONEY

Not that many here. Again, do what you did for #1. Insert either “best place to go when you want to go to a ________” or “best place to go when you want to ________”.

have been eyeing these beautiful venetian mirrors at Rosemary Home for a while if anyone wants to gift them to me

• When you want to get an expensive gift for your friend that has rich parents and good taste: Rosemary Home

• Gifts for children that are ages 3-8 that show how cool of an aunt you are : An•Me

• Gifts for friends who used to wear the big Pinterest girl hat and post IG pics with the caption (or worse, tattoos with) “Wanderlust” : Sabah Shoe Store

Three Lives during the pandemic when you would text them and they would come bring your book right out here

• Bookshop where they have the best recommendations and the owner has gotten a shoutout from Kevin Kwan in his novel, Sex & Vanity : Three Lives Bookshop

• Grocery store when you want to cosplay as an LA nepo baby in Erewhon : Happier Grocer (definitely not as good though)

• Street to walk down when you want to go into lots of little shoppy shops but don’t want to hit SoHo : East 9th Street between Avenue A and 3rd Avenue

• Store when you want an extremely realistic looking stick of butter that’s either actually a candle or a ceramic tchotchke : November 19th

a chainsaw that has a beautiful painted cardinal at BDDW

• A gallery, store, home shop where you don’t know exactly what they are selling but you can spend all day in there because it’s so vast and beautiful : BDDW

• When you’re looking to redo your house in a nouveau Bridgerton way : Nickey Kehoe

3. MISCELLANEOUS. MY FAVORITE ONE.

Not that many here. Again, do what you did for #1 & #2. Insert either “best place to go when you want to go to a ________” or “best place to go when you want to ________”.

Abingdon Square which is actually more in the shape of a triangle

• Park that’s great to read at but also great to meet old, pseudo-crotchety very endearing women named Marjorie that you’ll go get coffee with : Abingdon Square

• Park that’s great to read at when you want to be surrounded by hot moms speaking either French or Italian : Cobble Hill Park

nips out at Westside Highway while on butt patrol

• Park where you want to be on butt patrol (staring at cute butts) with the butt club (your boys) whilst playing rounds of Monopoly Deal : Westside Highway

• Park that’s great to cry at when you want people to see you crying and journaling : Elizabeth Street Garden

  

  our American princess Carolyn @ Franklin Street Station with their terrazzo floors

• Subway station when you want to feel like you’re either Carolyn Besette Kennedy or live in an Italian palazzo : Franklin Station

• Bathroom to use when you’re shopping around SoHo and have a diaper 911 emergency : Soho Grand Hotel (and for when you need it, the bathroom is up the stairs, walk past the check-in and it’s to the right hallway - make sure you walk in like you own the place)

• Club to go dancing at if you’re a hottie or know the coolest club owner in NYC : Joyface

• LES spot to go to when you want to DFMO : Kind Regards basement

• Bathhouse where it’s so gross and smelly you have to throw out your swimsuit but there are some cute banker bros : Russian Bathhouse in the East Village

That’s it - those are my places.

Okay, we’re done here. Bye.