why ur uber rating should be lower

PLUS how I would solve world peace (seriously) !!

I’m going to start adding more photos in here based on feedback I’ve received on needing to break this apart more. I’m open to most feedback so send along thoughts u may have - just don’t send too much or word it in a way that could be at all misconstrued or open to interpretation because I’m anxious & sensitive and might cry if u send it to me on the wrong day.

Here is a picture of clams and caesar salad and my hands holding tongs that was taken on film.

Hope u all had a great weekend. If u didn’t, boy, do i have the thing for u.

Keep reading to find out more but first up -

gassing up our girls.. AND OUR BOYS

k hear me out. Women get complimented SO much that there are types of compliments we don’t like. For example, cat calling. I personally love cat calling because there may come a day (not likely given how cute I am) where I don’t get cat called and I’ll miss it. but as long as it’s along the lines of a harmless hey baby, mami, etc. I’m into it.

However, men are never cat called and based on my extensive polling, 100% of all men polled* say that this would be the highlight of their lives and they would never forget it because there are very very few situations in which men are ever complimented about anything superficial which is what this argument is for.

So with that…. in the same way I think men reading fiction could eliminate toxic masculinity, I say society should compliment men and the way they look, dress, appear more frequently to quell the fragile, insecure man and thus, solve world peace. Deadass. If ur male friend looks hot, you should tell him. If u like his new sweater or the way he got his hair cut, let him know. Also, I like ur sweater is not a compliment; that’s a compliment to Aura Lee or whoever he’s wearing. I like how u wear that sweater or that sweater looks good on you is. See the difference? Some other compliments you can try out next time you’re with ur beautiful friends:

• for ur male friends that still have nice hairlines : your hairline is really nice

• for ur male friends who have very symmetrical faces : your face is really symmetrical

• for ur male friends with veiny arms : your arms are really veiny

Hopefully u get it.

Men need to gas men up more and women need to gas men up more.

Not only that. We should all be generous with our compliments because it’s one of the few things in life that is free & worst case scenario, that person gets hit by a car and dies the next instant and wouldn’t the end of their life have been so much better if they knew they looked good while going out?

* 1 man was polled

an IDEAL week

No, this is not going to be ur boring workout 5x a week, meal prep, call ur mutha kind of week. This is a cool week. Just kidding - this is just my idea of a well cadenced week:

I know weeks start on a Sunday but because Sundays really feel like part of what I consider the weekend — I put it at the end. And in case u didn’t know, I drew this chart after being inspired by the largest collection of Caravaggio’s art being exhibited in Rome this May. Fun fact about our guy Caravag - he killed a man. Onwards we go to DAYS OF THE WEEK.

MONDAY - TUESDAY. These are ur regular run of the mill days. You go to work and you do ur job. I’d recommend stacking the work days if ur in the corporate world so the rest of ur week can be easier. Maybe ur taking nootropics and working late these days. If you are making plans, avoid making plans with ur bosom friends and save Mons & Tues for Tier 3 & Tier 4 people**. If ur not making plans, cook at home or do chill food so u can save $$$ for the special nights. Rest and don’t expend ur energy or effort.

**If ur reading this and I made plans with u on a Monday or Tuesday ur Tier 1 or 2.. I just couldn’t find T3-T4 to fill that particular Monday or Tuesday. Also another side note - it’s fun to do an ongoing power rankings of friends and letting ur friends know about its existence but never sharing the rankings

WEDESDAY, things could start to get a little spicy because Thursday is the first day of the weekend after all. You may do drinks with the girls. Maybe a work dinner then a drink with the girls. Maybe a pilates, work dinner, then a drink with the girls. You get where I’m going with this. A drink with the girls.

THURSDAY. The best day of the week because it’s unexpectedly the weekend because you’ve deemed it so. All of Thursday should be cherished and spent only with Tier 1 . You wake up early or you sleep in, I don’t know what u like but for me, I’m waking up early, going for a walk, getting a workout in, buying an out au lait and a baguette with butter and jam, calling my mom and my sister and putting on a good outfit. Work is fun because the weekend is nigh.

I feel like u get it now. I’m getting tired of going through all the days of the week so we’ll just do one or 2 sentences for the rest with the exception of Saturday.

FRIDAY - u might be feeling tired from Thursday so ideally because u were such a good corporate bee on Monday - Thursday and a half, this day is chill. You should use Friday to do all the things that make u feel good. Workouts, clean eating, a bath or a long hot shower. I do all my girl things and appointments on Fridays.

SATURDAY. It’s showtime !!! This is when peak life memories are made. This is when Tier 2s become Tier 1s. This is why we do it - whatever it is. U leave the house in the morning and u come back the following morning. All day and all night fun. Squad is out! Whole world is out!

This is like Thursday’s big sister. Prettier and more fun.

Big shout out to my little sister Sarah, the Thursday of our family and shout out to me, the Saturday. Without you being Thursday, Sarah, I couldn’t be Saturday.

Get all of your T1s together, spend all day with them. Bring together different T1 groups and turn them all from strangers into lovers. Only break to change outfits from day to night or better yet, have everyone come over and wear things from ur closet if urs is closest to where you’re going to end up. Take flash photography. Eat french fries. Touch each other inappropriately. Drunk plan trips and book everything so no one can back out. Post stories to close friends that aren’t fun for anyone to watch except if they were out with u. Come home after last call and order food then fall asleep before the food gets delivered. Bring ur Uber rating down to a 4.4 average.

SUNDAY - rest, cook, watch television, read.

Looking back at all of the days of the week, really the ideal week is one in which I don’t need to talk so much about work but if this Substack does the numbers I think it may do, I won’t need to think about that for much longer.

last but not least how crazy is it that dogs speak other languages?

There’s not much to say here except I’ve been in Korea and obviously the dog owners here speak Korean to their dogs…. If you’re reading this u probably speak English to your dogs.

Got me to thinking whether a dog that grew up in Korea could communicate with a dog that grew up in America. I really don’t understand dog language. Is it a language? Some dogs bark and some dogs don’t. This isn’t going anywhere. But it’s also cute to think about French dogs and how chic they are speaking French… how. long. can. i. drag. this. out.

Here’s a picture of my dog Coco who passed away in 2023. RIP Coco who was actually bilingual and spoke both Korean & English.

Probably didn’t need this section about dogs.

Okay, we’re done here. Bye.