my friends (mostly millennials, some in the upper crest of GenZ) are bad but boomers are the worst at phones. I think cause they didn’t grow up with them?
I am a boomer I guess and you are right we did not grow up with phones, so we don't really like texting, or the phones, really. Nevertheless we have been forced to adapt and we just really wish people had better manners. I am a stickler! We were at dinner last night with an older lady (who has such bad manners it is appalling and actually hard to be around) and we were chatting about the wedding in Venice and all of a sudden she blurts out to me "Georgia is coming". WTH? Complete non sequiter. She interrupts all the time and it is so obnoxious. Sadly I think she is slipping cognitively so I give her a pass.
If I had a nickel for every Boomer granny I’ve seen/heard FaceTiming with their grandkids from the Lido Deck of a cruise ship, I’d have been invited to the Bezos wedding. And I’m a Boomer myself!
I’ve never been on a cruise so I guess I don’t get it.
Is it different than being poolside at the community pool? Cause if someone was FaceTiming their grand babies at the pool, that seems the same? Who cares? People are out yelling and talking and whatever 🤷🏻♀️
When I was in my 20s I definitely went through a “don’t ask people what they do for work” phase- i was very much on a “I don’t have a dream job because I don’t dream of labor” kick- but as I’ve gotten older (and haven’t had a “job” for years-I’m at home with my kid) I think it’s a perfectly fine question. Wanting to know what most people spend the majority of their time doing in a day isn’t rude. It just shouldn’t be your only question. Ultimately we’re all just trying to find common ground.
Idk it just seems to me like a thinly veiled “what do you for work?” for people who have a weird hangup about asking people what they do for work. Asking about work has always been a normal question until recently, and it has become really noticeable to me that a lot of interactions with new groups of people are really stunted and weird when everybody is trying to avoid talking about work at all. Work is just a huge part of basically everyone’s life.
i see what you’re saying. as a stay at home mother, i don’t mind this phrasing— sometimes i or others get tripped up on calling my days “work” (i live in a very liberal area) but it’s literally so much work haha, anyway since it’s also joyful and the purpose of humanity, it can also feel reductive to me to refer to child rearing + home educating as work. even though i loathe when treated like it isn’t work, because it’s like four full time jobs 24/7 😅 i sometimes ask people this way because i am curious to know how they spend more than just their employed time 😌
What people do for work also comes up organically so often—someone introduces me to someone as their coworker, or I ask how they’ve been lately and they say they had a huge work presentation, etc. I feel like it comes up way more often in the “I want more context because I’m interested in what you’re saying” case than the “I’m trying to figure out how impressive you are” case but maybe that differs in different social settings.
It definitely comes up naturally. Am not saying it should be avoided at all costs - to me it comes off crass as the first question but a lot of different schools of thought on the point
The question can be asked differently “what do you do in a day”? “How are you spending your time lately?” “What’s the next week look like for you?” Etc
I agree for the most part except the part of not talking about politics. I think it is very important to have those kinds of conversations with people in your circle and if you don't care for that it is because nothing really affects you and you don't care. Maybe you do but in my opinion it comes off as ignorant, privileged, and elitist. Should it be the center of every conversation? Absolutely not. I can understand that it can be a mood killer to people with money and "class" but how is the world supposed to progress without having these conversations? I don't know, it is just a thought you should consider. That is to say though, everything else was very mindful and kind. The politics comment just came off in poor taste.
Political discussions are inherently divisive, which is why they are generally avoided in polite company. I certainly cared less about this when I was younger, and I wish I paid more attention to others cues to my behavior, because I ultimately feel it limited my social scope. The reasons for this are varied, and are not limited to simple disagreement. Sometimes, people just want to enjoy a lovely evening together without talking about all of society's ills. There are plenty of opportunities to find inexhaustible voices to repeat incessantly the talking points, the opinions, the generalizations, the "I just don't understand whys.". Sometimes, it's just about having a dinner party and talking about vapid, funny shit. Let people have that, for your own sake. Trust me on that when I say I speak from experience. People will resent and avoid you.
Another important thing to point out: it isn't necessarily indicative of privilege for people not wanting to hear your generalized opinions on whatever societal topic, it can also be indicative of preference. You can assume any number of motivators here to your liking, but you risk being insensitive yourself in doing so. Ideas don't harm anyone, but they sure do annoy the shit out of people sometimes.
Thinking of the time I was invited to a dinner at the richest girl I’ve ever mets house, drank a few glasses of wine, and brought up class. I don’t care that it was crass.
Political discussions don’t have to be inherently divisive, especially in today’s political climate which still makes your comment sound very ignorant. Maybe in your youth I can understand that but in today’s politics it’s very important and i actually disagree with you, I think it can bring us closer and allow us to become more capable of understanding and critical thinking. And I think you missed where I said “Should it be the center of every conversation? Absolutely not.” There is a time and place for everything. I definitely understand that we all need some distractions sometimes to ease the stress of everything. I’m not saying people need to talk about it at every social engagement, but we have to remain open to these topics. That’s a way we can gain compassion, understanding, and try to come to a common ground.
And thank you for telling me to grow up, but I don’t think I need to. Have a great day!
But it makes some people uncomfortable for various reasons which are as real to them as your insistence on the importance of political discussions is to you. Others' preferences and feelings matter too.
I kinda loved this. I'm vegan in Greece or anywhere else just the same as I am at home, but I take full responsibility for that and will survive off fries and side salad if I have to. Also, might I add: please don't clean when there are guests at your house. For the reason you mentioned - because then they feel they have to start cleaning too.
Omg yes! My dad and step mum do this and it KILLS THE VIBE. And they also don’t let anyone else help. It’s weird and makes us all feel like we should go home.
I’ve heard some people cleaning when guests are over as a polite way to indicate the night is over and people need to leave. However I think if you are hosting you don’t get to decide when the night is over, you should be ready to go as late as the guests want.
That is wild! Sure, don’t pack up at 10pm if it’s a rager, but if it’s naturally expiring and there are one or two people who are asking for more champers having already spilt it earlier then the host should wind it up (this happened when I hosted pre-Christmas drinks with neighbours). Leave on a high and don’t be a person who doesn’t know when to leave!
No, sorry. I will go a long way to be hospitable but if you’re dead on your feet, it’s perfectly reasonable to politely signal that the evening is over. Most people wouldn’t take advantage of their hosts to that extent, but if you have inconsiderate guests then you do what you have to do.
Instead of asking someone what they do for a living, how do you feel about, "So how do you spend your time?" I'm legit asking for feedback on this because I do tend to ask the work question for lack of a better one.
I work in pharma and I hate this question. Everyone’s eyes glaze over because it’s only relevant to my industry. And honestly the last thing I want to do is talk about my job.
I keep track of how many people actually ask me questions. I can’t even remember the last time it happened. Most people suck at conversation, they just wait for their chance to talk. People will think you’re a great conversationalist if you actually ask them questions
Love all of these but disagree with the food restrictions one. If you’re veggie you’re veggie. If you’re sober you’re sober. Greece ain’t only calamari
People's habit of looking at their phones when you're speaking drives me mad. Worse when they say, "dw I'm listening." Why is it hard to explain you need two minutes to reply to a message, or just ignore it for 5 minutes?
Those kind of scissors are my favorite and I use them all the time! Cutting threads on clothes, for knitting, but, I’m super strange and do odd things like knitting and embroidery, LOL!!
You can get those pretty crane scissors probably at most places where they sell yarn, embroidery thread, etc. There’s a whole slew of really cute tools out there for needlework.
inverse of airpods at the dinner table, no sounds should come out of your device in public settings
YES!!! I’ve written about that before. Could not agree more.
people in the library—really anywhere (train, airport, bar)—but most especially the *actual goddamn library*
who watch videos with the sound on/no headphones
should be pelted with rotten fruit in public
Agreed. I have spent way too much time trying to make my mother understand that facetiming in a restaurant is not ok.
my friends (mostly millennials, some in the upper crest of GenZ) are bad but boomers are the worst at phones. I think cause they didn’t grow up with them?
I am a boomer I guess and you are right we did not grow up with phones, so we don't really like texting, or the phones, really. Nevertheless we have been forced to adapt and we just really wish people had better manners. I am a stickler! We were at dinner last night with an older lady (who has such bad manners it is appalling and actually hard to be around) and we were chatting about the wedding in Venice and all of a sudden she blurts out to me "Georgia is coming". WTH? Complete non sequiter. She interrupts all the time and it is so obnoxious. Sadly I think she is slipping cognitively so I give her a pass.
It’s not being a boomer, it’s being inconsiderate and thinking you can get away with it
If I had a nickel for every Boomer granny I’ve seen/heard FaceTiming with their grandkids from the Lido Deck of a cruise ship, I’d have been invited to the Bezos wedding. And I’m a Boomer myself!
Grannies FaceTiming their grand babies get a free pass for all time lmao don’t be a monster
Sure, but do it in your cabin, please.
I’ve never been on a cruise so I guess I don’t get it.
Is it different than being poolside at the community pool? Cause if someone was FaceTiming their grand babies at the pool, that seems the same? Who cares? People are out yelling and talking and whatever 🤷🏻♀️
When I was in my 20s I definitely went through a “don’t ask people what they do for work” phase- i was very much on a “I don’t have a dream job because I don’t dream of labor” kick- but as I’ve gotten older (and haven’t had a “job” for years-I’m at home with my kid) I think it’s a perfectly fine question. Wanting to know what most people spend the majority of their time doing in a day isn’t rude. It just shouldn’t be your only question. Ultimately we’re all just trying to find common ground.
I ask How do you spend your time these days when I meet someone?
I love questions like that !
Idk it just seems to me like a thinly veiled “what do you for work?” for people who have a weird hangup about asking people what they do for work. Asking about work has always been a normal question until recently, and it has become really noticeable to me that a lot of interactions with new groups of people are really stunted and weird when everybody is trying to avoid talking about work at all. Work is just a huge part of basically everyone’s life.
i see what you’re saying. as a stay at home mother, i don’t mind this phrasing— sometimes i or others get tripped up on calling my days “work” (i live in a very liberal area) but it’s literally so much work haha, anyway since it’s also joyful and the purpose of humanity, it can also feel reductive to me to refer to child rearing + home educating as work. even though i loathe when treated like it isn’t work, because it’s like four full time jobs 24/7 😅 i sometimes ask people this way because i am curious to know how they spend more than just their employed time 😌
Same. I think you get a much more interesting answer.
What people do for work also comes up organically so often—someone introduces me to someone as their coworker, or I ask how they’ve been lately and they say they had a huge work presentation, etc. I feel like it comes up way more often in the “I want more context because I’m interested in what you’re saying” case than the “I’m trying to figure out how impressive you are” case but maybe that differs in different social settings.
It definitely comes up naturally. Am not saying it should be avoided at all costs - to me it comes off crass as the first question but a lot of different schools of thought on the point
i'm trying to train myself to ask about hobbies instead!!
The question can be asked differently “what do you do in a day”? “How are you spending your time lately?” “What’s the next week look like for you?” Etc
I also like
What are you looking forward to?
I agree for the most part except the part of not talking about politics. I think it is very important to have those kinds of conversations with people in your circle and if you don't care for that it is because nothing really affects you and you don't care. Maybe you do but in my opinion it comes off as ignorant, privileged, and elitist. Should it be the center of every conversation? Absolutely not. I can understand that it can be a mood killer to people with money and "class" but how is the world supposed to progress without having these conversations? I don't know, it is just a thought you should consider. That is to say though, everything else was very mindful and kind. The politics comment just came off in poor taste.
Political discussions are inherently divisive, which is why they are generally avoided in polite company. I certainly cared less about this when I was younger, and I wish I paid more attention to others cues to my behavior, because I ultimately feel it limited my social scope. The reasons for this are varied, and are not limited to simple disagreement. Sometimes, people just want to enjoy a lovely evening together without talking about all of society's ills. There are plenty of opportunities to find inexhaustible voices to repeat incessantly the talking points, the opinions, the generalizations, the "I just don't understand whys.". Sometimes, it's just about having a dinner party and talking about vapid, funny shit. Let people have that, for your own sake. Trust me on that when I say I speak from experience. People will resent and avoid you.
Another important thing to point out: it isn't necessarily indicative of privilege for people not wanting to hear your generalized opinions on whatever societal topic, it can also be indicative of preference. You can assume any number of motivators here to your liking, but you risk being insensitive yourself in doing so. Ideas don't harm anyone, but they sure do annoy the shit out of people sometimes.
Just grow up and have fun!
Yup. In today's America someone's "politics" may signal they mean to do you or someone you care about actual harm. Best to know this up front.
Thinking of the time I was invited to a dinner at the richest girl I’ve ever mets house, drank a few glasses of wine, and brought up class. I don’t care that it was crass.
Political discussions don’t have to be inherently divisive, especially in today’s political climate which still makes your comment sound very ignorant. Maybe in your youth I can understand that but in today’s politics it’s very important and i actually disagree with you, I think it can bring us closer and allow us to become more capable of understanding and critical thinking. And I think you missed where I said “Should it be the center of every conversation? Absolutely not.” There is a time and place for everything. I definitely understand that we all need some distractions sometimes to ease the stress of everything. I’m not saying people need to talk about it at every social engagement, but we have to remain open to these topics. That’s a way we can gain compassion, understanding, and try to come to a common ground.
And thank you for telling me to grow up, but I don’t think I need to. Have a great day!
But it makes some people uncomfortable for various reasons which are as real to them as your insistence on the importance of political discussions is to you. Others' preferences and feelings matter too.
That’s totally fair and people have the right to do that. That in itself is a form of dialogue for political topics.
I kinda loved this. I'm vegan in Greece or anywhere else just the same as I am at home, but I take full responsibility for that and will survive off fries and side salad if I have to. Also, might I add: please don't clean when there are guests at your house. For the reason you mentioned - because then they feel they have to start cleaning too.
OMG ! In my notes prior to writing this I had down “don’t start cleaning when you have guests” but then took it out. Same wavelength.
Omg yes! My dad and step mum do this and it KILLS THE VIBE. And they also don’t let anyone else help. It’s weird and makes us all feel like we should go home.
I’ve heard some people cleaning when guests are over as a polite way to indicate the night is over and people need to leave. However I think if you are hosting you don’t get to decide when the night is over, you should be ready to go as late as the guests want.
That is wild! Sure, don’t pack up at 10pm if it’s a rager, but if it’s naturally expiring and there are one or two people who are asking for more champers having already spilt it earlier then the host should wind it up (this happened when I hosted pre-Christmas drinks with neighbours). Leave on a high and don’t be a person who doesn’t know when to leave!
Yeah agreed. That dishes time.
No, sorry. I will go a long way to be hospitable but if you’re dead on your feet, it’s perfectly reasonable to politely signal that the evening is over. Most people wouldn’t take advantage of their hosts to that extent, but if you have inconsiderate guests then you do what you have to do.
Ohh that is indeed a good point - that could be why people start cleaning up
Let people exit before you try to enter (e.g., an elevator)
Instead of asking someone what they do for a living, how do you feel about, "So how do you spend your time?" I'm legit asking for feedback on this because I do tend to ask the work question for lack of a better one.
What’s your favourite colour?
Blue. Wait, are you saying this is a question I should use? 😄
Nothing kills my vibe more than being asked what I do for work and then having to spend five minutes trying to explain!! ask me something better...
my bad - justice for F1 drivers !!!!
yes !!! and unless you have an insanely cool job (like F1 driver) it's also not interesting for a group to hear about !
I’m an F1 driver and honestly it still feels like just a job. Would rather talk about other things when I’m not on the track.
I work in pharma and I hate this question. Everyone’s eyes glaze over because it’s only relevant to my industry. And honestly the last thing I want to do is talk about my job.
I keep track of how many people actually ask me questions. I can’t even remember the last time it happened. Most people suck at conversation, they just wait for their chance to talk. People will think you’re a great conversationalist if you actually ask them questions
Always take your sun glasses of when speaking to a stranger.
Always offer to help at tube/ metro stations
Give your seat for ladies and elderly.
Love all of these but disagree with the food restrictions one. If you’re veggie you’re veggie. If you’re sober you’re sober. Greece ain’t only calamari
How about: "Don't judge people for etiquette breaches." Odds are they didn't read this specific blog post.
People's habit of looking at their phones when you're speaking drives me mad. Worse when they say, "dw I'm listening." Why is it hard to explain you need two minutes to reply to a message, or just ignore it for 5 minutes?
YES!! This. They don’t even look up from their phone when they say I’m listening.
yes yes yes to this. also, can we seriously stop with people wearing airpods on the job?!?! servers, the grocery store employees, baristas……COME ON.
Those kind of scissors are my favorite and I use them all the time! Cutting threads on clothes, for knitting, but, I’m super strange and do odd things like knitting and embroidery, LOL!!
i too love tiny scissors!!! they live in my mending bag + knitting basket ☺️
You can get those pretty crane scissors probably at most places where they sell yarn, embroidery thread, etc. There’s a whole slew of really cute tools out there for needlework.
This was magnificent! Thank you for taking the time to write it.